My name is Kane. This is unfortunate. Why? Because my name is easily rhymed with a lot of words that are either insults or are affiliated with something bad. For example; Pain. Kane the Pain. Whilst growing up all I ever heard from my peers, parents, and random people I met on the street. I was Kane the pain. Brain. When I first wore glasses in year 2 I received the name Kane the Brain, which was way out of line with my street reputation of being to cool for school. Even words that don't really rhyme with Kane, Shame. Shame Kane, shame. People continuously, for all my life have used these words against me. People affiliate my name with other things of a bad nature. Fore example, there is an entire range of furniture and apparel named after me. I sit down, oh, Kane chair. I walk, Oh walking Kane. I am studying teaching at the moment, which means, yes I do cop it off the older kids anyway but when a six year old names you cocaine, you know that things are not gonna get much better. Oh once I was called candy Kane which I thought was great until I saw a drag queen on TV with the same name.
But before I go on, I feel I must give you a bit of context about where I fit into my family. This is the stuff I feel that you should know about me. I'll try to get this fast. I have two brothers, no sisters, one brother is a roof maker, and the other is a Goth, slash hippy slash punk. My mother lives in Brisbane with the roof maker, my father lives with his wife in Geelong. He is the executive manager of the Corio west nudist club. I work at Target.
Now, let me quickly tell you about the wonder that is, working at Target. You can come in and see me, I'm the Manchester boy. How do I know this, the other day I walked down to the registers to meet a customer and she said hi, are you the Manchester boy and I said yes, and yes I am. My job, as the Manchester boy is to clean, price, serve, change shelves, and change lives. I clean, if you bring your donut king cup into my store and then leave it there; I pick it up no matter what germs may be infecting my girly fingers. I price, we have these portable scanners at work which are basically used to scan each item the print out pricing labels for each product. Yeah I know, Fun. I then rip the a4 sheet of labels into much smaller labels and put them on the shelf under that labels designated product. I serve, no matter what mood I'm in, when I serve I serve with a smile and a grin. Why, because a few weeks ago I heard there may be freebies given to employees who give their all for the customer, the more you give, hopefully Target gives. I change shelves, we get new stock into the Manchester department at work and sometimes this stock may not fit, so, I change shelves to make it fit. Lastly, I change lives. The other day I had an elderly woman come into the store wanting a brand new way to cut her vegetables. I showed her, the Borneo v-slicer. I told her that this piece of technology would change the way that she chopped vegetables forever. No more clunky appliances that that cost you thousands in electricity every year, with the Borneo v-slicer you can cut an onion to the perfect thickness in less than 10 seconds. But wait there's more. With the Borneo v-slicer you also receive two attachments. One for large chunks of chopping stuff and the other for dicing. I sold the Borneo v-slicer to this woman for the low low price of 19.99, half the retail value. But wait there's more. For just double the amount that she paid for that one v-slicer, she could not only have one v-slicer but get a second, free.
In conclusion I have the unfortunate name of Kane. Please when rhyming with it, be original. Don't go with the crowd. Think. I study teaching at university and soon will be a teacher, and at Target I clean, price, serve, change shelves, change lives.